I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. Psalm 6:6
“Those who live in the world – or rather who live after the fashion of the world, for this includes many so-called monks – should try to attain a measure of devotion, as did the righteous men of old, so as to examine their unhappy soul before their death and to amend or humble them, and not to bring them to utter destruction through their total ignorance and their conscious or unconscious sins. David, indeed, was a king; but every night he watered his bed with tears because of his sense of the divine presence. And Job says [quoting Eliphaz the Temanite]: ‘The hair of my flesh stood up’(Job 4:15). Let us then, like those living in the world, devote at least a small part of the day and night to God; and let us consider what we are going to say in our defense before our righteous Judge on the terrible day of judgment. Let us take trouble over this, for it is essential in view of the threat of agelong punishment; and let us not be troubled about how we shall live if we are poor or how we can grow rich so as to give alms, thus stupidly devoting all our attention to worldly matters.”
Peter of Damascus (12th Century) in “A Treasury of Divine Knowledge: The Guarding of the Intellect” Book 1 in Philokalia V3, 105.
I love the candor or Peter of Damascus.
He beckons us, as so-called monks, to think soberly and not stupidly. To aim to attain a measure of devotion rather than occupy ourselves with worldly matters. And he does so by pointing us to David and Job. Good examples.
David watered his bed with tears and Job reports his hair standing up.
In David’s situation, he found himself embattled from forces within (his sin) and from without (his foes). For Job, the world might say he lost everything but he still held tightly to God, but it was hard.
So where does that leave you and me today as we examine our lives and ponder generosity.
Peter of Damascus might say this.
God does not need us to “grow rich so as to give alms.” He wants us to grow rich spiritually so we can navigate the challenges of life and not be swept away by factors inside and outside. The alms and generosity flow from that stable place.
Ponder this based on your own situation. Cry and find solace where David did.
The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer. All my enemies will be overwhelmed with shame and anguish; they will turn back and suddenly be put to shame. Psalm 6:9-10
And where Job did.
Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him: but I will maintain mine own ways before Him. Job 13:15