There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
“Endings are not only part of life; they are a requirement for living and thriving, professionally and personally. Being alive requires that we sometimes kill off things in which we were once invested, uproot what we previously nurtured, and tear down what we built for an earlier time. Refraining, giving up, throwing away, tearing down, hating what we once cherished—all are necessary.
Endings are the reason you are not married to your prom date nor still working in your first job. But without the ability to do endings well, we flounder, stay stuck, and fail to reach our goals and dreams. Or worse, we remain in painful and sometimes destructive situations. Endings are crucial, but we rarely like them. Hence the problem. Why We Avoid Endings.
Endings are necessary, but the truth is that we often do not do them well. Although we need them for good results to happen in life and for bad situations to be resolved, the reality is that most of us humans often avoid them or botch them.
We hang on too long when we should end something now… We are afraid of the unknown… We have had too many and too painful endings in our personal history, so we avoid another one. When they are forced upon us, we do not know how to process them, and we sink or flounder. We do not learn from them, so we repeat the same mistakes over and over.”
Henry Cloud in Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward (San Francisco: HarperCollins, 2011) 15-16.
I am back from Asia. And I feel pretty good. Reply if you want to read my trip report.
In my travels, I have been reading this book. My counselor recommended it for my sabbatical reading and transitioning from President & CEO to Founder. And the deeper reason is to help strengthen my emotional health. As I read it, I also see connections to generosity.
Solomon reminds us that there’s a time for everything.
And as a steward aspiring to faithful and generous service, you know that to say yes to living, giving, serving, and loving, you need to end some things so you can fully engage with others.
Just this week, a friend in Ukraine shared that with the war waging on for four years and counting, he has to say ‘no’ to more things. I am praying for him.
Recently another friend had change forced upon him. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been. But he’s sitting with the Lord trying to discern his next steps.
On this note I must honor my wife. I see what she does (or does not do) so she can support me, do her seminary supervision, have countless soul care sessions with people, help with the granddaughters 3 days a week, do national and international speaking and teaching, and more. I see her at the beginning of each year determine the things she will continue or end to have perpetual margin for what is most important.
For the rest of us, maybe we have flexibility to choose the things we continue or end, but maybe we have put off making such assessments. Here’s what I say today. Don’t put this off. Ask Jesus to help you as it will not be easy.
And it will only increase your generosity.