Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Philippians 2:3-7
“By revealing the unique gifts of the other, we learn to empty ourselves. Self-emptying does not ask of us to engage ourselves in some form of self-castigation or self-scrutiny, but to pay attention to others in such a way that they begin to recognize their own value. Paying attention to our brothers and sisters in the human family is far from easy. We tend to be insecure about our self-worth and so much in need of affirmation that it is very hard not to ask for attention ourselves, referring to our experiences, telling our stories, or turning the subject of conversation toward our oown territory. The familiar sentence, “That reminds me of…” is a standard method of shifting attention from other to ourselves. To pay attention to others with the desire to make them the center and to make their interests our own is a real form of self-emptying, since to be able to receive others into our intimate inner space we must be empty. That is why listening is so difficult. It means our moving away from the center of attention and inviting others into that space.”
Henri Nouwen in Compassion: A Reflection on the Christian Life (New York: Image Doubleday, 1983) 79.
Paying attention to others is a beautiful act of generosity. The only way to get there is to get rid of empty conceit by self-emptying. It’s easier said that done.
For my part, I find that I want to be known. It doesn’t help that I have a lot of words, so I can be guilty of Nouwen’s familiar sentence, “That reminds me off…”
What about you? Are you guilty of shifting attention to yourself rather than paying attention to others? What might it look like for you to attune generously to others?
If there’s one thing COVID-19 is doing for us, it is giving us the opportunity to grow in ways that will help us love others more generously. God, help us not waste this crisis.